Death of a Salesman

Every time a relationship ends it makes me sad. I'm not just talking about relationships in my life, but relationships ending, in general, make me sad as well. There are some ends that are quite powerful and others that seem to sink to the bottom without so much as a ripple on the surface of the pond of life. I'm motivated to write about this because of a marriage within the "circle of friends" that I recently learned was separating and it made me tremendously sad. I think these things make me sad for 2 reasons: 1. because I'm sad knowing what each of these people will go through in the next months and years and 2. I'm reminded of what I went through and continue to go through, still.

I'm not going to try to say that you have to be married to someone to suffer great turmoil at the end of a relationship. The strife from a person exiting your life is relative to the impact they have had on your life. The bonds of friendship are often stronger than romantic bonds and losing your first love can be devastating at the very moment that you are experiencing it. Though many of us try to avoid it, past relationships can present themselves in future relationships for many years to come. Therefore, the end of a relationship, for me, is sad given the tremendous impact it has on life.

I wonder, probably more than I should, why so many relationships fail. How can someone that you can't get enough of for weeks or months or years suddenly become the one person you can't stand the sight of? Now, i realize that not every relationship ends in this manner, but many do. And, even if the "break up" is somewhat cordial, how do you go from wanting to spend every waking moment with someone to avoiding their gaze? My theory is simple and relates mostly to dating and marriage. It's based on supply and demand.

Most people who find themselves in a long-term relationship arrived there because they had the desire to be there. Therefore, they (we) put our best foot forward, as a salesman would to sell a car (and the more "used" the car, the better salesman you must be). "Of course I'm over my ex!" "You want children? I want 8!" "I make $100,000 a year." However, at some point things begin to fall apart, literally. But this is where I begin to become confused with my own metaphor. Sometimes the demand for this product we are selling is reduced (my partner begins to lose interest) and therefore we try to increase it by selling it even better OR we can no longer supply the product we claimed to be supplying early in the dating process and then the demand decreases. In either instance, the solution is simple...

BE YOURSELF FROM THE BEGINNING! I say this but have yet to actually put it into practice. I'm frustrated by the number of relationships that I see fail and by the number of friends that I watch become someone other than themselves simply to impress someone. The answer is so simple yet due to whatever insecurities we have festering in our heads, we feel that no one will want to spend time with the REAL us so we concoct some alternate version of ourselves to become more appealing. It's like a miracle bra for your personality!! All that happens in the end is disappointment for the other person, but more importantly FOR YOU! Think about your self-esteem for a moment and the fact that it takes a hit each time you have a relationship go south, BUT it's not the real you that is rejected or that fails in these relationships, it's you in a miracle bra, a girdle and a pair of spanxx (sorry boys, if you don't understand that metaphor - but basically it's the equivalent of sucking in your gut and sticking out your chest while walking by a group of women in your bathing suit). The disappointment and rejection may not feel great if someone isn't interested in dating the real YOU but think about all the time you will save....Now, if only I could follow my own advice...

I promise, I'm trying it now. I'm laying it all out there and opening up to see what happens.

Parting shots:

I bought a camera

Feedback is always appreciated :)

This is the only place I can think of to start sharing my new photos. I took the plunge, spent the money and brought myself into the fancy, digital photography age. I just got this thing today and only had time to play around in the backyard, but I CAN'T WAIT to really get this thing out on the highway and see what she can do. It's been my passion to be a photographer, so we'll see what happens!

Sisters

My older sister is coming to town this weekend and the Rosenberger Girls will be united again! We RARELY get a weekend without kids, husbands, parents or boyfriends, so this is a treat. The last time we all got together was for my 30th birthday, almost 2 years ago.



The shenanigans will be kept to a minimum since one of us is expecting (NO! Not me). However, there will be much eating, laughing, shopping and perhaps a few tears...usually from me!



This monumental weekend stirs up a few emotions in me and what better place to put them down than in a blog. My life has had so many ups and downs in the past couple years and the one thing that has remained constant is that every time I turn around, one of my sisters is there waiting to give me the pep talk that I need.



Andrea lives close, and we are very close so it's much easier for me to lean on her. However, being the older sister, Missy has more insight and experience with things Andrea and I only dream about currently. I've been a bit down recently and I'm looking forward to this trip because I know I'll come out of it with a big boost and the wise words of the 2 most courageous women I know...My sisters!



Why courageous? The paths that they have both chosen in life show their strength and courage, make themselves stronger and make everyone around them stronger. Andrea, the Emergency Department nurse who takes more crap than she ever deserves and just keeps on going back for more. Missy, the mom of (almost) 3, who kisses skinned knees and makes sure that her children don't go without having or without experiencing anything. Andrea gets spit on and continues to do her job. Missy struggles with a child with food allergies, yet she uses her creativity and passion to find new and different ways to make the things that all kids love. When I grow up, I hope I can be just like them!



I love you both!

First Blog...January 2009...recap of 2008

I have made attempts at this blogging thing before, but have decided to create this as a way to keep friends and family up to date and provide some inspiration to others who may come across it.

It's been a year of catching up, reconnecting and moving on...

I'm going to skip the first part of 2008, and many of you know why. The majority of the late summer was spent at the lake with my two wonderful friends, and one of my favorite couples, Michael and Britt...who were gracious enough to share their boat with Andrea and I, and the occasional friend we brought with us. Some of my best memories from the summer were spent at the lake with "the boys."

July and Independence day meant family vacation for the Rosenbergers. Mom chose a house at Lake Gaston, NC. The trip was very up and down for me, as I was in the throes of the end of a relationship and a major job decision. I'm afraid I may not have been much fun to spend vacation with and I know I wasn't as kind to my family as I should have been. Lucky for me, family is forgiving. I enjoyed the time there with the kids, Missy and her husband, mom and dad, and Andrea. Despite not showing it much, I was so happy to be near family when going through such a tough situation and decision.

I made a vow at the beginning of 2008 to travel to places I had not been before and visit friends. This is the best way to travel, as you don't have to worry about the expense of a hotel. I made 2 trips to Boston (one in late 2007 and one in the spring of 2008) to visit my dear friend Katie, from graduate school, and her adorable husband, Tim. I had never been to Boston before this and it was a great experience. The first trip I made with Stacy and Justin, 2 other close friends from graduate school. The second trip I made alone.

In October, I flew to San Francisco. This was my first time in another time zone! Hard to believe it took me until age 31 to experience this, but I'm glad I did. I visited another very dear friend from graduate school, Chad. It was a whirlwind trip, but he showed me the city and much it had to offer and we were able to catch up. I had not seen him since graduation from WFU in May, 2001! We vowed not to wait that long to see each other again.

I'm a huge Wake Forest Football fan and purchased season tickets this year, as I always do. Andrea was able to attend most of the games and we had lots of fun. Tailgating is certainly the most fun part of the whole experience, but watching the team move up and down the Top 25 was also exciting.

I attended my first NASCAR race at Martinsville this fall. I have a friend in the business and he was gracious enough to get me a pit pass. I was close to some of the drivers and got to see, first hand what racing is all about. It was very loud and very fast. Funny thing is, that track is so small, it's not near as fast as others :)

In October, I drove to Cleveland to see an old high school friend get married. The Buttolph brothers were a big part of our life growing up in youth group, etc. Brian (the last of the 3), got married in October. I had not seen these guys for at least 15 years! It was great to celebrate this occasion with them and their family and catch up on many, many years! Thanksgiving weekend, Andrea and I made a trip up to Missy's in Charlottesville for the family Thanksgiving gathering. As a gift for my parents, we hired a photographer to take some pictures of the family. This was a fun experience and we got some great shots! Here are a few of my favorites:

Julian and I had an addition to the house this summer. My great friend Shannon moved in with me. It is the perfect arrangement because we both really needed it. She loves Julian almost as much as I do and we work fairly opposite schedules and don't get in each other's hair too much. It's fun having someone in the house with me. It's really almost like college again, sometimes. Having a roommate is the perfect way to fight these tough economic times and to guarantee that you don't have to feel alone!

I spent Christmas at home (in Meadville) with mom and dad and the rest of the family. It was warm and inviting as usual in the barn but we didn't get nearly enough time with the boys. We got some great news near Thanksgiving that Missy and Kevin are expecting their third child. I LOVE being an aunt and can't wait to meet this one! While at home, I re-connected with my childhood best friend, Lori. Lori went to the Peace Corps shortly after college and had been in Africa, then moved to the west coast for graduate school. It had been many years and it was time for a reunion. She lives in DC now and I plan to see her as often as I can!

My biggest piece of news and accomplishment this year was having my first publication published in the NC Medical Journal. It's been a long time coming and I'm very proud. Many of you may not want to read about blood pressure control in primary care practices in NC, but if you do, here's the link: www.ncmedicaljournal.com/Nov-Dec-08/Rosenberger.pdf It came out in the Nov/December issue.

That's a quick "year in review" for me. I just watched the presidential inauguration and hope that there are many changes in store this year for me and this country...