FEAR

How would I live my life if I was not afraid?

I can't answer this definitively since I never have.

i imagine freedom.

fulfillment.

mistakes.

success.

failure.

bliss.

love.

Maybe tomorrow...

Happy Birthday Mom and Dad!

Your children need your presence more than your presents. ~Jesse Jackson

August is the month that both my parents were born. At 32, I still need my parents. I don't need them to kiss skinned knees, wash my hair or remind me to clean my room (okay, maybe I still need that last one). As an adult, the wounds can cut a bit more deeply and need more than a band-aid to heal. This means you need your parents presence more than you did as a child.

The presence you need as an adult isn't always physical. Sure, when I walk into my parents' home and smell something cooking, get a greeting at the door (and sometimes on the porch almost before I even get out of the car), and receive those hugs that always make tears well-up in my eyes the physical presence is something I would never trade. However, living 500 miles away, the voice on the other end of the phone is life-saving - literally. The card in the mail for no reason, just so the walk to the mailbox was not in vain and just merely accepting me and the way I have chosen to live my life, different from them, has made all the difference.

Growing up as a middle child in a house full of girls, I never heard that women were weaker, less worthy or should expect less. I was (and still am) fiercely independent. I have my parents to thank for this. As an adult, I have their presence in my life to be thankful for. They have been my biggest cheerleaders, my closest confidants and the most present people in my life - never missing a swim meet, graduation, birthday or holiday. They have been generous with presents but the thing that has meant the most is the generosity of presence.

I love you mom and dad!

My Quilt

"Love is the thread that binds us together."



Yesterday I was seated at my desk daydreaming (which I tend to do quite a bit) and when I caught myself and became conscious of my thoughts, I realized that I was cataloguing and reminiscing about all of the beauty and spirit that is present in every facet of my life.



I have likened my experience and the people in my life to a quilt. The quilt, as it exists right now, keeps me warm and cozy, is beautifully colorful and bright and provides a tremendous amount of comfort. If my quilt were to grow no bigger than it is presently, then I would be more than satisfied. However, if the past has taught me anything, my quilt will continue to grow, become more intricate and colorful and provide additional shelter, warmth and comfort.


To give you an idea of where this warm fuzzy feeling comes from, let me share a snapshot of my life. Last weekend I enjoyed a trip to Carolina Beach with 2 special guys. We laughed more than I have in some time, splashed in the ocean, shared stories at our campsite and learned new things about each other. Monday I shared a delicious dinner with one of the newest but most treasured fabrics in my quilt. Tuesday I shared lunch with a girlfriend who enriches my days with laughter and challenges me to think then caught up with mom on the way home from work. Wednesday night after a 20+ mile bike ride with a friend, 8 intelligent, successful women sat in a circle on the floor and discussed a book, life, love and laughed until we cried. Last night I crawled into my bed at 9 pm, after sharing chinese food on the couch with my roommate and talking with my younger sister on the phone and hearing about all the exciting changes in her life, and opened a new book, which carried me off to sleep. This morning I received a phone call from my older sister and we spent an hour catching up, then my dad emailed me kind words and stories about time he is spending with his grandsons on "the farm."



My cup runneth over...

Reversing Perspectives

"Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you."

~Richard Brinsley Sheridan

Most people go through life with the same perspective. We do have minor changes in perspective as we go from child to parent and student to teacher, but these changes usually happen subtly and without notice. The perspective that doesn't often change is the one you have in the constants in your life. If you are the "mistreated" you may tend to play that role your entire life. If you are interacting with your partner, parents or siblings you may never consider what the photograph may look like if they were holding the camera instead of you. OR, better yet, what if a third person was holding the camera?

Having the unique experience recently of carrying a camera most places I go, observing this in the human condition is amazing. When a person knows the camera is pointed at them, their behavior changes, their perspective is different. They think that someone is "watching them." The joy of taking a good photograph comes from photographing someone when they have no idea you are photographing them. Their perspective is their own and you are able to gain insight about them without any "performance." My perspective is what is captured in that photograph, but you can see things much differently when you sit back and observe. Moving around to find another camera angle or vantage point adds to the ability to view the situation. This act of observing is similar to considering others' perspectives.

Stop, breathe and look at situations and people from other angles and perspectives. You'll be shocked at the perspective you'll gain and the things you'll learn about yourself, your loved ones and the world around you.

Benched...week # 3

It is supposed to be 7 weeks until my marathon (that's right, 26.2 miles).

However, I'm benched.

Indefinitely.

And you know why?

A serious pain in my ass.

My pain in the ass is many things:

Literal.

Figurative.

A blow to the ego.

A mountain to climb.

A risk factor for insomnia.

A reminder of 32 years on this earth.

A mountain that can't be climbed (at least not right now).

A deductible to likely be paid.

A lesson in patience.

A test of willpower.

A discouragement.

A motivator.

A seed.

The one thing I'm not going to allow my pain in the ass to be:

A reason to quit.

Waiting on a train (written July 5th in Granada, Spain)

This week was reformationally good for me. As I was seated on a train riding from Sevilla to Granada, I finished Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. My first trip to Spain, second trip to Europe in my life (accomplished within a 3-month period) and completing the book that resonated with me more than any other self-help, personal relationship, human relationship, religious, philosophical book I have read.

The message for me was simple and I was in exactly the right place at the right time to receive it. I hear Wayne from "Wayne's World, the movie" shouting "Live in the now!" This is the basic message that Tolle is trying to get across. Now, Wayne was trying to tell an ex-girlfriend to move on but it's interesting where we find some of the most precious of life's lessons. The message can be applied to the scene in the movie or any point in life.

As I closed the book and looked out the train window, I had no issuse being present in that moment. I was looking at row after row of olive trees and the Sierra Nevada in the background. The sun was shining in the window, warming my face. My headphones were pumping my own selection of music into my ears. At that very moment, I was in my own personal paradise. It's easy to be present in moments such as this. Why would my mind wander to what I did yesterday or last week or what I am going to do tomorrow?

Following my arrival in Granada, I attended a Arabian-style bath/spa where I spent an hour and a half taking my time soaking in 8 different pools of different temperatures, had a 30-minute massage and sipped herbal tea. I really wanted to use this time to meditate and reflect on the "awakening" I had experienced earlier that day. However, my travel companions and I were not alone in the baths and the group making a "commotion," (I'll call them "euro-men donning Speedos") started to challenge my commitment to being present at all times (I realize it was only a couple hours old but it was a sincere commitment!!)

Fast forward about 7 more hours at the end of a day of trying to find a vegetarian meal in a country that eats every last part of a pig, walking around the beautiful Alhambra (atop the highest hill in all of Granada) and add in 4 adults who are trying their best to be civil to one another and I am no longer anywhere NEAR being present in the moment. While walking to the train, I just kept thinking about getting to the station. Then, I was thinking about getting in the sleeping car and closing my eyes. IN FACT, as I was seated in the train station cafe waiting for the overnight train to Barcelona, I had already placed myself at least into tomorrow and at one point back home in the comfort of my usual surroundings.

Now, as I realize how difficult it is when outside of my own personal paradise to be completely present, I am aware of my writing as I write this. I am conscious of the hustle and bustle of the train station. Most of all, I'm conscious of my breath, my heartbeat, my oxygenated blood running through my veins and the idea that all I have is the very moment that is occurring right now.

(Picture of the sun setting from the train station in Granada moments after writing this...)

"People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that's the problem." ~Chris Adams

Dear Overweight Americans,

The task at hand is extremely obvious and the solution is fairly simple. Nobody is asking you or telling you to become a professional athlete, develop the body of an 18-year old or mirror the less-than-healthy standard that hollywood has so kindly exposed us to in every check-out line in every grocery store in this great nation of ours. The average person does not have the expendable income to hire a personal chef and a personal trainer nor the time to exercise 4 hours a day, 5 days a week. However, would it kill you to get off your butt 3 or 4 or 5 days a week and go for an hour walk? The most common excuse for not doing so is lack of time. However, don't you watch television for at least an hour per day? Don't you waste at least an hour per day talking on the phone, dining out with friends, fighting traffic, shopping, emailing, myspacing or facebooking? What is ACTUALLY going to kill you is not getting off your butt.

With lovingkindness,

Erica

I hear more people complain about how much weight they have gained and how they wish they could be thinner and more active. My response: Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up faster. Our lifestyle, society, environment and culture have gotten us to the point that for the first time ever, children born now have a shorter lifespan than their parents. This is due solely to lifestyle related diseases, as evidenced by the fact that medical science continues to progress. However, there is no pill, surgery or medical treatment that will take the place of taking care of yourself.

The solution? Take responsibility for yourself, your actions and your own health! PLEASE! Slow down, eat better and move more. There are very few people in the good ole' US of A that don't know what to do. The next step is doing it. Please. Teach your children to eat better and be more active. You're literally killing yourself and your children.