"Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all." ~Emily Dickinson


Hope (n): a word that has been vacant from my vocabulary of late but has returned. When we are children and full of dreams and the idea that the world holds everything that those dreams contain, hope is abundant. My parents always told me that I could do anything I set my mind to. That placed in me the hope that life would work out. It always worked out for them, even when faced with hardship.


Growing up reading things like "The Secret Garden," "Pride and Prejudice" and "The Little Princess" and in a house full of girls, I never thought that I couldn't accomplish something. I had confidence and the world was wide open in front of me.


I've been looking back and thinking and it's amazing how the universe seems to come together and lift you up and provide for you when you provide for it. During most of my life I can remember having a door closed in my face and turning around to see a window open. If times were hard financially, something I had forgotten about would appear or a new opportunity would unfold. It's hard, though, in the thick of everything, to keep these positives in the forefront of my mind.

As people, I believe we focus on the one negative rather than the mountain of positives we experience. It's much like having a blister on one toe. If we could somehow focus on the 9 toes that do not have blisters, the pain of the toe with the blister would not seem so great. However, the blistered toe is much more prominent as we walk or run. To train the mind to focus on the blister-less toes is an advanced skill.

Giving to the universe (and others) and allowing it to give back to us replenishes the hope that we have as young girls reading Jane Austen and Frances Hodgson Burnett; the bird that sits on our soul, sings and gives wings to our dreams. Giving to oneself does not have near the same return on the investment. Small investments have small returns and big investments yield exponentially larger returns.

It is my HOPE that I may give HOPE to others and that their HOPE will be passed on. When I see HOPE, the bird perched on my soul sings more loudly and my dreams take to the air.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...but I'm not going to.

So, it's that time of year again and I guess that means I need to reflect. I've turned 32 and I remember when that sounded so old. When you're there, it doesn't feel that old. I mean, I certainly don't feel old, by any means.

My first instinct was to be a bit depressing, but instead, I'm making a list of things for which I am happy. A friend of mine and I keep a list of all the reasons we are friends and it's very uplifting. This is a similar tribute to my life and the people around me :)

1. I am a healthy young woman.
2. I have a fulfilling job in a shitty economy.
3. I completed my education when I was young and it has served me well.
4. My family is supportive and loving and surrounds me with love (when I allow them to!)
5. I have 2 wonderful nephews who brighten every day and a niece on the way!
6. My younger sister lives 3 blocks away and checks in on me all the time.
7. I live with one of the kindest, most open-minded people I have ever met and I have the chance for that to rub off on me.
8. I have a diverse and wonderful group of friends that enhance my life in every way possible.
9. Blondes have more fun.
10. The Steelers won the Super Bowl!
11. Julian sleeps next to me every night, and despite his bad breath, I like it.
12. I can't count the number of birthday wishes I have received today and the day isn't over yet.
13. I have been exposed to some of the bravest and most inspirational women in my lifetime and have had the pleasure to call many of them "friend."
14. I have all my teeth :D
15. The sun is shining today in my honor.
16. I have a roof over my head and enough food to eat every day.
17. I am free to express myself and make my own decisions.
18. I work in an environment that encourages discovery and personal growth.
19. My mom and dad are still married and present an example of balance in life.
20. I'm touched by every new person I meet and the things that they are able to teach me.
21. HUGS!
22. I am learning something new everyday about who I am and the choices I've made.
23. I have many people I can call on if I need something and many of them I don't even have to ask, they just offer.
24. I still have many, many, many years ahead of me and I'm learning that the important part is the journey, not the destination.

This list isn't inclusive, but just a fun exercise in putting life into perspective on my birthday. You can dread getting on the roller coaster or sit in the back with your arms in the air screaming the whole way. And all I have to say is:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

European Vacation

I've always wanted to see the world and I got my first taste of it about a week and a half ago.

It took longer than expected to get there and let me tell you JETLAG IS A REAL PHENOMENON! However, the travel was well worth the experience.

First couple days were in Nijmegen, Netherlands. This city is one of the oldest, if not THE oldest in the country. It has rich history, including a great story about WWII (if you're into that sort of thing). The old architecture was beautiful and I enjoyed walking around, looking at the mixture of old and new and taking lots of pictures. That evening, I had the pleasure of attending a dinner party with some coworkers of my friend and host for the week. This was a taste (for me) of what it's like to live in Europe. There were individuals there from all over the world, many of which worked for the same company as my friend, and they were all living in this town in Holland and had all become friends. I encourage those of you who have been to Europe as a tourist to try (if possible) to experience (even if briefly) what it's like to live there. I will cherish my non-tourist experiences the most while on this trip.

While in Nijmegen, I enjoyed the BEST cappuccino that I had the entire time I was in Europe. I had many good cappuccinos, but this was the best. Unfortunately, it was the first, so all the rest just did not live up to it. It was a place called the "Blonde Pater" (ironic, I know). This place has actually won awards for their coffee. Each of the baristas has a signature design that they make in the foam on the cappuccino. I got a heart...and I "heart" my European vacation!

After the rain appeared like it was going to hold off for a day (which is a rare occurence in Holland), the trek to Amsterdam was on! WHAT AN EYE-OPENING EXPERIENCE! The day was spent looking at the beautiful scenery, complete with canals and houseboats. Amsterdam is a wonderful place. Everyone owns at least one bike and they use them. It's a fantastic contribution to the well-being of this place. I don't remember seeing near as many "large" individuals as you see in droves in the US. And, cars actually stop for pedestrians and cyclists! What a concept!! As the day went on, we had coffee with a fantastic couple from the US. One of these women had been living in the Netherlands for many years and the other for only about a year and a half. They were expecting their first child. They chose to do this while in Amsterdam (and plan to stay to have their second child) because health insurance in Holland pays for it. I enjoyed learning about what it was like to be living overseas and the differences in culture. I think we do things differently here because it's how we have learned to do things. I won't make any statements about the validity of either process. I'll just say that it's beneficial to explore differences.

While in Amsterdam, I was fortunate enough to visit 2 tourist attractions with very different feelings and impacts, the Anne Frank House and the Heineken Brewery. The Anne Frank house is something that everyone who travels to Amsterdam should experience. While the area that she and her family "lived" in was larger than I expected, walking through there and spending time there while reading excerpts from her diary was truly moving. To spend any portion of your life in complete darkness and in total silence for a large portion is unfathomable to me. The Heineken Brewery, though cheesy and a bit like Disney World had designed it, was much more light-hearted and fun, but I'll stick to darker beers, thanks :).

I'm going to leave out my description of the red-light district...but, yes I did experience it and yes, I have some opinions and stories about it.

The very next day (and without enough rest), I hopped the train for Paris. Train travel is wonderful and I wish I could take advantage of it in the states. I read for hours and listened to my ipod and it seemed like almost instantaneously we were there. Now this is where I REALLY appreciated my tour guide the most (THANK YOU SO MUCH LUKE!) because I did not have to navigate one bit in Paris (or anywhere else for that matter). I'm sure that my time in Europe would not have been so stress-free had I had to figure out where I was going, what time to be there, where the trains would take me, which metro/subway/streets to take. All I had to do was tell him what I wanted to see and he made it happen. I'm a little spoiled and I'll admit that here.

I spent 2 half days and one full day in Paris. If someone told me that I had a job and a place to live waiting for me, I would leave tomorrow and live there for the rest of my life. I loved it. My favorite place was the Rodin Museum and I can't pick a favorite thing that I ate because I loved it all: escargot, wine, bread, crepes, coffee, onion soup, more bread and the list goes on. We stayed in a fabulous little hotel in the Latin Quarter, Hotel Saint Jacques. The hotel had skeleton keys attached to cute little rope keychains. You couldn't take them with you. You gave them to the concierge/bellhop/front desk person when you left and they handed it to you when you came back in. The first thing I did when I got off the metro near the Notre Dame Basillica was buy a new scarf (I have a bit of an obsession). The Eifel Tower was magnificent, though I must say that when I saw it from a distance, it didn't look real. I had seen it so many times in pictures that the vision of it in the sky looked just like every photograph I had ever seen. Only when I was standing under it did the realization that I was actually there come to me. Then, I KNEW I was in Paris.

I enjoyed myself photographing tourists and locals, observing the sites, smelling, touching, tasting and just experiencing being in another country. I was so glad that I purchased my camera before I left. I came home with over 400 pictures and will have fun going through them, having some printed for frames, and just remembering everything I saw, smelled, tasted and experienced.

Thanks again to my host and tour guide for the week!