I'm not going to try to say that you have to be married to someone to suffer great turmoil at the end of a relationship. The strife from a person exiting your life is relative to the impact they have had on your life. The bonds of friendship are often stronger than romantic bonds and losing your first love can be devastating at the very moment that you are experiencing it. Though many of us try to avoid it, past relationships can present themselves in future relationships for many years to come. Therefore, the end of a relationship, for me, is sad given the tremendous impact it has on life.
I wonder, probably more than I should, why so many relationships fail. How can someone that you can't get enough of for weeks or months or years suddenly become the one person you can't stand the sight of? Now, i realize that not every relationship ends in this manner, but many do. And, even if the "break up" is somewhat cordial, how do you go from wanting to spend every waking moment with someone to avoiding their gaze? My theory is simple and relates mostly to dating and marriage. It's based on supply and demand.
Most people who find themselves in a long-term relationship arrived there because they had the desire to be there. Therefore, they (we) put our best foot forward, as a salesman would to sell a car (and the more "used" the car, the better salesman you must be). "Of course I'm over my ex!" "You want children? I want 8!" "I make $100,000 a year." However, at some point things begin to fall apart, literally. But this is where I begin to become confused with my own metaphor. Sometimes the demand for this product we are selling is reduced (my partner begins to lose interest) and therefore we try to increase it by selling it even better OR we can no longer supply the product we claimed to be supplying early in the dating process and then the demand decreases. In either instance, the solution is simple...
BE YOURSELF FROM THE BEGINNING! I say this but have yet to actually put it into practice. I'm frustrated by the number of relationships that I see fail and by the number of friends that I watch become someone other than themselves simply to impress someone. The answer is so simple yet due to whatever insecurities we have festering in our heads, we feel that no one will want to spend time with the REAL us so we concoct some alternate version of ourselves to become more appealing. It's like a miracle bra for your personality!! All that happens in the end is disappointment for the other person, but more importantly FOR YOU! Think about your self-esteem for a moment and the fact that it takes a hit each time you have a relationship go south, BUT it's not the real you that is rejected or that fails in these relationships, it's you in a miracle bra, a girdle and a pair of spanxx (sorry boys, if you don't understand that metaphor - but basically it's the equivalent of sucking in your gut and sticking out your chest while walking by a group of women in your bathing suit). The disappointment and rejection may not feel great if someone isn't interested in dating the real YOU but think about all the time you will save....Now, if only I could follow my own advice...
I promise, I'm trying it now. I'm laying it all out there and opening up to see what happens.
Parting shots:
